Can the 'ShamWow guy' absorb enough votes in Texas to win a congressional seat?

Just when you thought the 2026 primary campaign season couldn’t get any more… soaked, along comes Offer Vince Shlomi — yes, the ShamWow guy — ready to wring out Washington and “wipe the floor with the competition.” His words? No. But the general vibe? Absolutely.

According to state filings, Shlomi — whose full submission was, in peak infomercial form, Offer Vince “ShamWow” Shlomi — is officially running for Congress in Texas. And honestly, if anyone was going to bring late-night energy to early-morning committee hearings, it was always going to be this guy.

But let’s be clear: this isn’t just a marketing gimmick. (Well… not only a marketing gimmick.)

Shlomi told Fox News that he wants to “destroy wokeism” in Congress and feels driven by the “political infighting in the country” to run and “make America happy.” He even cited the late Charlie Kirk as the original “woke buster,” because apparently this campaign has lore now.

And for anyone who’s thinking, Wow, this feels like an SNL sketch that got loose, don’t worry — you’re not alone. Someone online has already declared, “I can't wait to see these campaign ads,” and frankly, same. I’m fully expecting at least one commercial where a ShamWow effortlessly soaks up inflation, border security issues, and 15 years of bipartisan dysfunction.

The Uphill Battle

Now, let’s talk practicality — a word not often associated with infomercials.

Shlomi is running in Texas’ 31st district, a reliably red stronghold currently represented by 84-year-old Republican Rep. John Carter. Carter has served more than two decades in Congress, announced he’s running again, and is roughly as entrenched as a congressional seat can get without being literally carved in limestone. In other words: the ShamWow guy has some scrubbing to do.

Shlomi is one of at least five Republicans jumping into the primary. And while his candidacy is listed on the state party website, he hasn’t yet filed with the FEC. (Filing with the FEC before launching a political career is kind of like plugging in your microphone before starting the pitch — helpful, but apparently optional.)

The Controversy Section — Because of Course

Now, this is politics, and no political figure arrives without a baggage carousel.

Shlomi’s most infamous headline came in 2009 when he was arrested for aggravated battery after a fight with a woman in Miami Beach. Prosecutors declined to press charges, and he later told NBC News he takes “full responsibility” and planned to cut down on partying. As he put it, “People understand you make mistakes in life. Hopefully I won’t make another mistake.”

Earlier in his life he also faced legal battles over his 1999 film The Underground Comedy Movie, because 90s indie comedy was basically a genre dedicated to generating lawsuits.

But to his credit, Shlomi has spent recent years laying low, building his marketing company, and generally acting like a man who no longer wants TMZ on speed dial.

The Absorbent Candidate

Let’s be honest: politics could use a little more humor — just usually not of the “as seen on TV at 2 a.m.” variety. Still, there’s something undeniably fascinating about seeing the self-proclaimed master of the super-absorbent towel try to soak up votes in a district that has historically preferred its representatives old-school, not old-infomercial.

Will he succeed? That depends on how many Texans decide they’re ready to replace a longtime incumbent with a man best known for yelling about a towel.

But one thing is certain: this primary just got a whole lot more interesting. Maybe even… fabulous?

If nothing else, you’ll be saying:

“WOW.”

(That part is a quote — and honestly, what better slogan could he ask for?)